Learning Outcome 1
My view on revision is that it is making changes to your original piece so your ideas are better portrayed. I think my idea of the revision process has changed while being in the English 110 class. This is because I think about revision more as a larger idea than I used to. I focus more on ideas and organization rather than the students Nancy Sommers discussed in her selection regarding revision. She says “the students solve the immediate problem, but blind themselves to problems on a textual level” (Sommers). In my first draft of my significant writing paper, one of the big changes I made was my thesis. In my draft, I talked a lot about my opinions on the subject and kept going back and forth between my stance. However, once having someone else look at my paper, they pointed out how unorganized it was and how I need to have a strong thesis to write the essay.My philosophy on revision is that you need to find large places to fix in order to find the best version of your essay. This aligns with the first learning outcome of English 110 because it is a process that “requires substantial revision of drafts for content, organization, and clarity.”
https://cchampagne1.uneportfolio.org/english-110/first-draft-writing-paper/
Learning outcome 2
I believe sources are best used to further back up your thesis. In my final draft of my significant writing piece, I wrote “By making students take a variety of courses, we can provide students with a wholesum view of their curriculum. In Jonah Lehrer’s essay, “The Future of Science… Is Art?,”, he describes this as a holistic perspective. He states, “Until science sees the brain from a more holistic perspective… our scientific theories will be detached from the way we see ourselves” (3). I think holistic perspective includes all topics of discussion, including arts. The messiness and flexible ideas that are included in art could benefit a student. By learning about the different perspectives art provides, they can see issues and ideas from a different perspective. This is why the liberal arts model for colleges are popular. Not only does it expose students to all different fields of study, it initiates innovation based on topics other than their major.” I used this quote because it gave a similar perspective on the topic as my thesis for this paragraph. Since I was introducing the liberal arts model and explaining the benefits of learning creative thinking, talking about the holistic prospective goes with it. I integrated this quote where it is because I first introduced the author and passage and coated over what the quote is about before quoting. After the quote I explained what he meant in this writing and put more context of my own to his ideas. It backed up my claim so I used this quote to further my argument that learning about the arts is beneficial for a student.
https://cchampagne1.uneportfolio.org/english-110/final-draft-significant-writing-paper/
Learning Outcome 5 & 6
Local revisions are important as well. Writing an essay with simple errors makes the article hard to understand and quote frustrating to read. It often pushes me to believe that whoever wrote the article was not qualified to do so. Making local revisions makes a huge difference on the perception of your ideas. In my opinion, it strengthens you authority. In my significant writing piece, I found that my main problem with local revisions was using diction that a reader can follow and not making choppy sentences. Here is a excerpt from my essay, the first is from my first draft and the second is from my final draft.
“With this being said, the arts and sciences are extreme opposites, and therefore they only benefit from each other in small portions. Although science could benefit from more creativity and new ideas, I believe that this would be better provided through the intermixing of sciences with other topics such as psychology and engineering.”
“Arts however, brings in the idea that each person can interpret an art piece differently, the conclusions from art can be changed or perceived differently. With this being said, the arts and sciences are extreme opposites. Therefore I believe that they benefit from each other in small portions, which include educating students of arts to provide them with creativity and new ways of thinking.”
By changing a few words around and summarizing what I was saying in the draft, I found that my writing was smoother and avoided confusion with my statements and thesis. I think this really benefitted my essay because it solidified my stance on the topic.
I used MLA formatting correctly in this essay as well. This is important because giving those who are the original writers is vital to crediting an author.
https://cchampagne1.uneportfolio.org/english-110/final-draft-significant-writing-paper/
Learning Outcome 4
In peer reviews, I have learned how to focus on global revisions above local ones. While doing this, I emphasized ideas, evidence and organization while looking over others’ papers.
For example, in my first draft of peers paper, I commented on the ideas of the paper in comment #4 while she was writing about being “picture perfect”. I commented on her ideas by suggesting that she elaborated on this idea more and that she explains more of her opinions on this large topic.
In comment #12, I suggested that she relate back to her thesis more after giving evidence so it can tie into her essay better. This will strengthen the relationship between her essay and her sources.
I commented about organization a few times in this essay by suggesting to combine sentences. For example, in comment #8 I suggested that she combined two sentences and relate them more together so her essay flows better. This shows local organization because the ideas need to connect and flow in order for a reader to stay interested in an essay.
I think one thing I still need to improve on while peer reviewing is to make more comments rather than less. I think the more feedback a student gets, the better chance they have at succeeding.
https://cchampagne1.uneportfolio.org/english-110/first-draft-of-peers-paper/
